hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
