i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize