i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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