Are we in a gay sports bar?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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