I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
