Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
