Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
