Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize