wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize