I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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