Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
