i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
