I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
