The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
