Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
