On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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