I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
