Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
