I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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