what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
