Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You're a waste of cheezeits
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
