I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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