Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
