I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
