Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
