I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
