You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize