The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
