I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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