singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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