I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
cat food counts as protein by the way
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
