I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
