Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
