Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
