theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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