How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
