i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
