I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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