If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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