i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wish you could order shots online.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
