Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize