The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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