He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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