party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
