youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
