Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
