I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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