I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
