You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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