taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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