we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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