Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
