something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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