using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
