Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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