You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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