We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
In America we eat man semen.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
