i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
