dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My penis needs a shock collar
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
