I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize