I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
