so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
