I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
