Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
