Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
