Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
