BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
