Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize