let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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