There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
