i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
