so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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