yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
