Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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