just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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