Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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