Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
3pm strippers are depressing
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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