she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
