I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
