so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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