I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
