His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize