What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
