how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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