Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
