your thong is hanging out like whoa
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
