i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
