Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize