Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
4 words: hood of his car
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
