barbara walters just said penis...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
