dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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