Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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