we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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