no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize