honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
