Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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