LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
