i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize