Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
try to milk me bitch
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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