So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
