Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize