You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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