meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
