you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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