I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
