Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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