I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
