I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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