there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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