the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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